Holy Crap! Here is something that I never thought I would be witness to: a non-stereotypical Malaysian blogger!

No Garish, eye-raping color combinations in the template!
No pictures of food!
All posts are in English!
No pictures of food!
No autoplay music!
A short sidebar!
No pictures of food!
No animated gifs or other such abominations!
Long posts decently hidden behind a text link!
And, most importantly, no pictures of food!

That’s right, folks, he doesn’t obsessively document _every_single_meal_ with poorly-composed low-resolution camera-phone pictures like so many Malaysians who came before him! In point of fact, technically I have very few problems with this blog.

While I appreciate the fact that it doesn’t make my eyes bleed, the template needs some work. First, white text on a black background has only 2 acceptable uses: the command line terminal, and photoblogs. Leave the background how it is for your photoblog, go with dark text against a light background for everything else.

Second, the color scheme is too neutral. While it provides for a good effect when one mouses over the link buttons, the silver/gray/black scheme quickly becomes monotonous as there is no emphasis to provide visual interest. Again, this is just fine for the photoblog but unacceptable for everything else.

Third, the post titles and dates are crowded, and the sidebar has some container issues.

Fourth, find a better online nick than “Silencers.” While I don’t know what, if any, special meaning or relevance it may in Malay, in English it’s just plain Emo. Also, get a new pic for your “About” page. The one you currently have is made of Myspace and fail.

While the content is written well enough, stylistically it only allows the author’s voice to emerge in fits and spurts. There was very little that reached out to me, as an outsider, and said, “This is who I am, and why I’m interesting.”

Rhyse, Rhyse, Rhyse.  I used to read your blog.  I had it blogrolled and I’m not sure why.  I think at one time you had some snark about you.  Something that kept me coming back. But then, then something happened. You stopped posting regularly and stopped with the stuff that made me laugh and while I certainly understand that shit happens in our lives and there are times when we just cannot be upbeat and happy all the times, I still expect something of an explanation or clue that downers are ahead, or “I broke my funny bone.” Yet. it seems that for the past year, you’ve just left me hanging. 

As for template, it is simple and cute.  Clean and neat and we like that around here. I have a code I could give you to roll up your archives into a drop down list if you’re interested.  Otherwise, for now I’m bored and that makes me sad.

I give it for using someecards.com in her posts (they are totally what I’m sending this year)

2. The Juice Log

Where to start?  You just turned 18 and it kinda shows.  This is your second blog and to quote you

My blog now JuiceLog came to life on January 17, 2006 when I finally decided to take my blogging to the next level as well as my blog to be taken more seriously. This blog has grown several folds since then.

I read that and was literally afraid to read the old blog.

What can I say?  Aside from the fact that your template is clean and crisp and I like it, I haven’t much to add. I could tell you to blog about something funny or humiliating to yourself but I won’t.  Because I just don’t care that much.

I give it

3. Kaizaphrenia

This is NOT a blog! This is a dumpyard of my inflamed Broca’s area.

So, basically, an area of his front brain is inflamed.  Good thing he just graduated from med school. 

I give it

Time to wake up, people! Wake up so you can go have a nap after reading this blog. Seriously. After I’m done this I’m going to sleep. All.DAY.LONG.

The sidebar is a fucked up LONG ass list of nothing. Y’all know I like my sidebars nice and neat.

The posts are boring. Could be just me, but I find NOTHING of interest on this blog.

The title irks me. A lot. The Private intellectual. I know it’s all spelled out in the “About Pi” page, but seriously. It still irks me. You are not that smart. You like to come off like you are, but you’re an asshat. Plain and simple.

The only thing I liked on this whole blog is the cute little calendar icon for the date. I think those are cute. Should be pink though. I like pink.

I give it cuz I’s smrt lik dat

2. education & tech

Another fucking genius on our hands. Why on this lovely green earth of ours do these asshats submit for a review??? I don’t get it. Are the extra hits really worth it?? Get a fucking life.

Education makes you rich? Uh huh. Ok. I gotta tell ya though… I know some pretty dumb rich people too. They’re a lot nicer than the smart ones.

Ok. As pointed out above. Y’all know I like my sidebars neat. WTF???? This one has TWO sidebars a mile long. Someone shoot me. Who the fuck cares that you have archives dating back to June 2003. Who the fuck cares that you can’t make up your mind about categories so you have 80 fucking categories. At least I think it’s 80. I might have messed up my counting cause my eyes were burning.

The only good thing about this blog is the cutest puppy ever picture near the top.

Be gone with you. Your blog sucks.

I give it

3. Jackal

Hmmm. Where to start.

Black background. Sucks.
Blue titles. Sucks.
Content. Sucks.
White/Grey text. Sucks.
Different fonts on different posts. Sucks.
Content. Sucks.
Long assed sidebar. Sucks.
Content. Sucks.
Long assed sidebar with crap content. Sucks.

Did I mention the content sucks????

Not a lot of redeeming qualities on this blog.

It sucks. (In case you didn’t figure that out already).

Don’t waste your time. I sacrificed myself for y’all.

I give it

Pee Ess. I hate these blogs. All of them. Kthnxbai.

Oh look, another idiot who believes that professing a desire to offend gives one carte blanche to wallow in filth.

I have no idea what a “sumbich” is, but slick this guy definitely isn’t. Just about the only good things about this blog are the short sidebar and the lack of pagination—which normally would be a bad thing, but in this case it makes it much less likely that some poor sucker will accidentally see anything beyond the first page.

Talking of which, let’s see what this guy has to say (in chronological order):

• “Valentine’s day sucks because I resent having to make an effort to establish a romantic atmosphere.”
• “We’re trying to buy a new place, so here are some pictures of where I hope to have sex with the wife. Please be sure to note that they are of an unusual and/or highly public nature.”
• “Poor me; I’ve got the sniffles and my wife’s too busy to pander to my every wish. And by the way, oral sex!”
• “Now the wife won’t give me sex because she’s sick, and she thinks we should start packing for the move. BAWWW!”
• “The wife still won’t give me sex because she’s sick, so here’s a picture of some drunk bum off the street.”
• “Kids these days...”
• “Here’s a picture of a hairy woman in her underwear!”
• “I’m afraid to say CLITORIS!”
• “Providing for your children isn’t a good reason to prostitute yourself.”
• “Just kidding! It’s the perfect excuse!”

Look out, Socrates, we got us a philosopher here!

Combine all this with dorky header art and an eye-scalding red and yellow color scheme, and one ends up with a pretty convincing argument for the disconnection of the internet. Either the “designer” has never heard of such things as “complimentary colors,” “emphasis and balance,” and “ease of usage,” or she is seriously angry at the world and is attempting to revenge herself upon it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go scrub my brain with a “Brill-O” pad.

Dave, Dave, Dave. Honey, please don’t quit your day job and take up blogging full time. Kthnxbai.

Haha!! You thought I was done, right? Not so lucky.

While it’s not a horrendous blog, trust me, I’ve seen worse. BUT at least those that are worse try to be better by having some COLOR in their blog. You know? Color.

col·or [kuhl-er]:  a phenomenon of light (as red, brown, pink, or gray) or visual perception that enables one to differentiate otherwise identical objects

The most colorful thing on this blog is the shirt you’re wearing golfing in your profile pic.

While the sidebar isn’t a total fuck up, there are nice rolled up archives. YAY!!! The “recommended” list is a little long. Do you personally recommend each and every blog? Is there a money back guarantee if we are not completely satisfied??

And honey, please, please PLEASE work on the titles. “I Just Watched A Movie”. Wow. Good for you. I’m proud of your abilities. If only you could write. “Should I Feel Guilty?” For taking up bandwidth? Yes. “Another Easy Post With A Good Chance Of A Good Number Of Comments”. OMG. A comment whore. WTF?? I thought you were different, Dave.

Well, Dave. Good luck getting that alcohol on Sundays. I know it helps me. Maybe it can help you too.

Because being of sound mind and body I can NOT rightfully endorse this continuing… I give it

Go back to work, Dave.

Ya know when BB sent me new blogs to review I was praying hoping for something good. I should know better than to waste my time, huh?? WTF was I thinking? Something good? Submitted here? Not likely. Sadly we get all the kooks and wannabe bloggers submitting here. They think getting a few clicks from our readers will make them “famous”. Give them their 15 minutes in the spotlight. Good news for you folks. I’m shutting off my spotlight. Saving the batteries for something more useful, like BB’s vibrator.

I have had this blog in my “TO DO” box for awhile now. I’m a procrastinator. Sue me. Actually, I’ve been scoping it out weekly. Hoping. Alas, some things just aren’t meant to be.

I really do not like this blog, for various reasons.

The header looks like some funky chunk of 70’s throw up, mixed in with letters that are impossible to read. Designed to really fuck with your brain. It’d be one hell of an acid trip.

The font is too small. If I have to get my glasses to read it, it ain’t worth reading.

The sidebar. OMFG. Do not get me started on the sidebar. Ever hear of “rolling” it up??? Srsly. There is too much clutter.

No one gives a fuck that you have archives dating back to January 2007.

No one gives a fuck that you have 26. YES! TWENTY SIX categories. That just shows you can’t make up your fucking mind. 26. Geez. I can’t believe I took the time to count them. I need a life. 

Oh?? Did I mention there are 20 “daily” reads too?? Srsly. If I wanted to know this stuff I could have hit a little “expand” on a rolled up sidebar. Sidebar clutter fucks you up, everydamntime.

The content is not that bad. While it’s typical family blogging, the writing style does not totally suck.  Not my cup o’ tea, but I’m sure someone likes it.

Hmmm, just because I’m feeling generous… I give it

PS. Honey - I’d pay money to see your husband out in the back yard in his boxers listening to his NKOTB cassettes. Really. Put that in the hideously huge Flickr photos at the top. 

Pointless Drivel

Never before has a blog title been so dead accurate. This waste of server space is such a train wreck that I hardly know where to begin…

Given the 1920s style fonts, borders fashioned from crime scene tape and recurrence of Sam Spade knockoffs, I can only assume Mr. Fab’s trying to establish a kind of “blog-noir” atmosphere. I got news for ya buddy: noir is the raw Black and White of Idealism contrasting against Reality’s Shades of Gray, counterpointed by the Bright Red Blood of the Last Idiot Who Crossed Me! not baby-poo green against brown tones with cartoon bunnies in the header art!

A blogger’s “Profile” should be 2 or 3 short! sentences that briefly outline why this blog might be worth the reader’s time. Mr. Fab’s is an overly-wordy, patently insecure plea for mercy that inexplicably morphs into a cheap shot against Edie Brickell—who, it is worth noting, released an album with some of the original “New Bohemians” in 2006, and is a member of the band “Heavy Circles” which released its debut album last month.

So much for her dead career.

The sidebar is WAAAAY too freaking long, and having ten posts on the front page is at least 3 posts too many.

Mr. Fab, I hope you didn’t pay money for this.

As for content, Mr. Fab’s claim that:

You won’t find anything profound here.

is nothing short of prophetic.

Mr. Fab has to be the only idiot on the face of the blogosphere who can turn a post about the inimitable Dave2 of Blogography into a limp-wristed sack of fail. Combine this with his half-baked attempts at controversial “rants” about abortions, POW license plates, and nudity immediately after whinging about an apparent Herpes infection, and everything he says comes across as a load of BAWWWW!

And, lest we forget, he’s running a HubLove contest as well as a show me your boobs I-wish-I-was-cool-enough-for-HNT match-the-blogger-to-her- (his?) -cleavage contest.

Give this weenie a wide berth.

1. Fida, Inc.

I’m not sure where Fida lives, but she was present when a police officer was killed and that is sad, regardless of the country.  Period.  Here template is almost cute.  In FF it slides clear over to the left side on my laptop and in FF and IE on my dinosaur it is huge and I have to use the bottom scroll.  I hate the bottom scroll. 

Fida has been blogging for a long time. She is rather average in that respect.  Ordinary posts of what seems to be a humble girl. 

I give it for not completely sucking ass.

2. Mature not Dead

I LOVE HIS HEADER!  It reminds me of a sunset I saw once with my first fiancee, but I won’t hold that against him.  WD is a troubled man working through his feelings and depression and life in general.  He also writes poetry. I have never really been a fan of poetry. Limericks, but not so much with the deep stuff.  I am shallow and I admit it.  I don’t love him and I don’t hate him.  I’d have to read some more to decide completely but right now I am tired and bored.

I give it

3. Mamarazzi

I had high hopes for this blog. I’m all about snark. I was really looking forward to snark re hollywood parents, especially with the tag line “Because Celebrity Parenting is so Easy to Snark.” Sadly. I found little snark here and mostly dry statements accompanying photographs.  I don’t even think half the entries relate to hollywood parenting.  Some good photos and some that make me wretch. 

I’m bored.

I give it

1. Sheltered Sanity

I actually like the template except the archives. I don’t want a calendar.  I want a list of months that I can click on.  I want it easy.  I don’t want to have to search for things or click click click to find the first blog entry. I’m nosy and I’m lazy.  At first I thought the black template would be a turn off, but as a whole, I kinda liked it.  I wasn’t gouging out my eyes and that is always good.  I almost like this blog.  Three things won me over in the end. 1) They deep fried their turkey on thanksgiving and she posted a cinnamon roll recipe; 2) She is a Libra and so am I (and she had the boys to get tattoo’d - which I don’t, but if I did, it would be with my sign); and 3) She doesn’t seem to take herself or her blog seriously.  Her posts are a little long and dry sometimes, but if you’d rather be reading blogs than say, cleaning or working, give her a look. 

I give it for not sucking.

2. where have i been?

where have you been?  Who gives a shit? I trudged through this blog and post after post tried to find something, anything that wouldn’t leave me longing for an IV drip of caffeine so I could look at the next page.  Mad has been blogging for a good long time so at least he has that. I’m sure he has something of interest for someone, but he left this bitch hangin in the wind.  BOTD template, an archive list that trails on and on. I have a code to close that up into a drop down menu window if he wants it.  Everyone should utilize a drop down menu for anything longer than five lines.  Just sayin.

I give it

3. Reb Chaim HaQoton

The internet gods hate me.  Ron has a sidebar longer than most schlongs and sadly, it is limp.  This is a boring, ugly blue BTOD template and it does not interest me in the slightest. I looked and looked for something, anything that wouldn’t make me want to stare at my own excrement and I came up empty, wishing for some starving children or midget porn.

I give it

1. Trouble’s Island

I don’t really get it.  Really.  He had a nice play on the “about you” section.  Then he wrote “frickin” and lost me.  It’s fuckin or fucking.  Not frickin.  Never ever ever frikin.  Are we ten years old? No.

The layout was nice and the template doesn’t make my eyes bleed.

Otherwise, I’m bored as hell. 

I give it

2. Literally Speaking

I liked the header.  The layout was clean.  Janet moved from Nevada to New York and likes to write.  Otherwise, literally speaking, whatthefuckever.

I give it

3. Let me go on and on

“A Christian lesbian with a whole lot to say!” And ads.

I give it